Dear Cyber Friends

Allow me to introduce myself, I'm Handsome Puss Halliday; Prestons first ever mega-star agony cat. I answer letters from distressed cats who are having problems with humans and other pets, via the Cats Protection branch newsletter.

I am extremely handsome and very dignified (except when I slide off the top of the TV when trying to nap), and I use my good looks and extensive life experience of pet humans to help other cats. Of course, my feline modesty is an essential trait in my work as an agony cat.

My column is wrtten by a cat for cats. I emphasise this because not long ago the d*g next door started a nasty rumour about it being written by a human - this is untrue. That d*g has got a vendetta agianst me since the sofa and yellow ribbon incident, but that's another story.

To be really handsome like me, fur and whiskers are necessary; although humans try to keep up with with us, clothes are a poor second best to a nice glossy coat. It's a cats' duty to show them what good looks and grooming are really about.

I have had a varied and hard life (sometimes I have to wait up to half an hour for my breakfast!). I was born outside, and had my little operation (ph's call it neutering) at the Cats Protection when I was a teenager. They realised how special I was, with my shiny black coat and epilepsy, and begged me to stay with them for two and half years of loving care.

One day mum came to visit. She was desperate for a really handsome cat, just like me, to come and live with her and her feline owner Jess (he's got epilepsy too). So I left my comfortable foster home for a new and exciting cat basket.

At first life was hard, I went through a programme of drug withdrawal and rehabilitation to overcome my dependence on anti-convulsants (mum's a bit of an expert on feline epilepsy on the quiet - dont tell her I told you). I learned how face up to the ups, downs and naps of a cats life without drugs. But, like with Jess before me, she saw it through and has proved to be a loving and attentive pet.

She's required some retraining especially where exercise is involved. She's a bit lazy and we have to play games such as meowing to have the door opened, she will get up and do this 17 times before she gets fed up. Recently she threatened to get a cat flap (just to avoid exercise), but we'll just meow until she opens that for us - that'll keep her fit (you've got to be devious with a pet human where exercising is concerned).

Human nature dictates that they think they are the boss, but it's not good pet management to allow them to get away with too much. A cat must keep the upper paw and maintain that his home is owned and operated solely for his convenience. Humans once treated cats as gods - this natural instinct should be encouraged at all times.

Take Jeanette, mum's friend, she has been trained by her cats (though it took three of them to knock her into shape - she was a problem stray human before), now she works hard to help the unloved cats of Preston. Unfortunately she washes everyday with water, ugh! well she's only human.

Anyway, that's enough of my gloriously effacing and modestly purrfect self. This typing is playing havoc with my claws, so I'm off for a good scratch at the sofa - err - I mean garden fence, to maintain my manicure.

    love & purrs

        HP

P.S It's great to talk to other cats around the world, that's further than the end of our street!

You can read HP's column in our members' newsletter, issued every two months. To become a member of Preston Cats Protection click here.

Most recent revision 20th January 2002